She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize