I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
