So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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