:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
