I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize