If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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