you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
