I'm so fucking centered right now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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