i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
