Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
