Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
