i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
