I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love having hate sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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