Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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