Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
