he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
