Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
