matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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