I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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