You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
