DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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