Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
