i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
