We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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