im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
