that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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