I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
