can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
