I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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