I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
