so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
