ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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