do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize