So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
