Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
