there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
