Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Couch. On fire.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
