Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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