$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
