Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
