I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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