So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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