I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
