So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
