I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
