Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
