Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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