I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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