Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
