i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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