You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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