You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
