I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
