Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
