I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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