She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
