I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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