Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
