Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
