So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
