remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
