There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
