I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
