Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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