So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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