That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
