Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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