that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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