he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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