he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hippo gnu deer
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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