no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
