Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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