I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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