dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
