how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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