It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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