note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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