I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We got so high we made milksteak
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
