i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I will be naked everywhere
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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