Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
