Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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