Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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