dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
