The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
