ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
