So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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