oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
