that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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