escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize